Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Struggles in dealing with an addicted father

As I was listing to our Bible study this week the thought of having to call my dad was totally on my mind. I don't jump out and share this with everyone but know that there has to be women dealing with a similar situation. My biological Dad(if you know my family this is not my dad Mike) is an alcoholic and is still in that bondage today. Many things are so hard about that relationship. One of the hardest things I am dealing with at the moment is how far do I let him in our life, and the lies he continues to feed me. If you were to look at my life from the outside you might think we are normal and maybe even look put together. That's the great thing about just looking, the illusions we get look pretty and yet they are usually way off. We live in a nice house in a great neighborhood, I have a loving husband and two beautiful girls. All that is what you might see. Yet living the day to day is much different. I am passionate about living a life that has meaning and living it with Christ at the center. I have to because if I didn't I would be lost. As a women it shakes something inside of you to be lied to by your father. The relationship we are supposed to have with our Dads should be honest and loving, and yet can I be honest? The only time I hear "I Love You" from him is when he is drunk. No matter how much I walk in faith with Christ that still rocks my boat. Maybe it shouldn't but it does. All of this is right at the front of my brain right now because he called again last night and I need to return that phone call. With everything in my I don't want to and yet he is still my dad. I had to get this off my heart today and writing helps me. I want anyone dealing with this to feel that it's ok to want to scream, run and or cry. Some days I just crave normal whatever that is. I also wanted to add this list of characteristics that some children of alcoholics deal with. I don't want this to be something that we hang on to but the opposite. If you find that one of these describe you and you want to be freed, ask God to heal you. Ask for his help to over come this. Our God is a healer and Redeemer and if he heals that addict then he will heal their children too.

Adult Children:

...guess at what normal is.

...have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end.

...lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

...judge themselves without mercy.

...have difficulty having fun.

...take themselves very seriously.

...have difficulty with intimate relationships.

...overreact to changes over which they have no control.

...constantly seek approval and affirmation.

...feel that they are different from other people.

...are either super responsible or super irresponsible.

...are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that loyalty is undeserved.

...tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self loathing, and loss of control of their environment. As a result, they spend tremendous amounts of time cleaning up the mess.

I have to say the first time I read this list it made me feel that I was not as crazy as I thought. Most of these on some level have been a part of my life at one time or another. Sad but true. I am so thankful that God is not leaving me where I am today and that with His help these rough edges are being shaved away. I have listed the website where I copied this list and I am sure there are more out there like this.
If you are dealing with a parent that struggles with addiction ask for God to surround you with His love. He is the only one who can brighten my day when I am dealing with an ugly situation with my Dad and I know that we can brighten yours.

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